A prolonged period of indecision can have a terribly draining effect on us.  We’re sure you’ve experienced being on the fence about something and feeling a great relief when you finally make your decision.  It is frequent to even hear people say, "I’m just so happy to have finally decided!"  The emphasis is on being out of the indecision, NOT what was decided!  Don’t you find that curious?   

Have you ever wondered why it is so depleting to be on the fence?  To be neither here nor there?  Well, one reason is that it prevents us from bringing our whole self to our endeavor.  We put ourselves in a holding pattern, essentially living out in our minds the pros and cons of both options.  Let’s say you are undecided about moving.  In this case you are neither packing nor improving your current home.  When you don’t know which choice is "best," you are rightly hesitant to invest yourself into it.  And here lies the problem.  

Contrary to what seems logical, what exhausts us the most is when we are holding back.  Think of the last time you were fully "in" on a project or endeavor.  Do you remember being surprised by your increased energy level?  When we are sure of our direction and give ourselves fully to that direction, we can go further than we imagined possible.   

Although indecision is a dangerous place for us to live long-term, there are situations in life that require deliberation.  One thing that can be helpful when you are in a period of indecision about your next step is to make many decisions inside the larger decision.  For example, decide to "not decide" for the next 2 hours.  Or, decide that you need to speak with a particular person before committing.  There are thousands of these "little" decisions that can be helpful in protecting your energy whilst you are undecided about the larger issue.  If we only focus on the big decision "do it" or "don't do it," that is when we really start to feel drained.  

To the power of being fully invested!

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It’s pretty common these days for people to talk about sitting with a feeling or allowing “negative” thoughts without resisting them.  It is in the zeitgeist, whereas just 10-15 years ago you hardly ever heard it. 

It’s great that it is more common to hear the wisdom of “let it be” more universally spoken.  But, at times, things that are widespread also get diluted.  We think this might be one of them.  Letting things be is very different than just ignoring them.  It is our hunch that sometimes folks are using the wisdom of “allowing” and “letting be” as a way to avoid truly dealing with a challenging emotion or situation.

How can you tell the difference?  Letting things be does not mean that we start feeling good.  In fact, sitting with those challenging emotions sometimes can be quite unnerving.  However, when we let the feeling be, peace is the usual result.  One way to tell if you are suppressing something versus letting it be is how disturbed you become when you are reminded of it.  If you've been trying to keep it out of your consciousness (suppressing) then most likely being reminded of it will feel quite agitating.  On the other hand when we are letting something be, it can remain in our consciousness and we get more and more comfortable with the feelings it evokes.

It can be quite challenging to experience something uncomfortable and not think you should be doing something to change it or stop it entirely.  When we face something difficult, we quickly look for relief.  Which is why, letting it be, is such a challenge.  

Letting it be does not mean not doing something about it, it means not distracting yourself from the experience and feelings you are having.  It also means not picking at it, like a scab.  It means what it says it means…letting it just be, without doing anything to it.

Pay attention to yourself.  Can you start distinguishing the experience of letting something be versus suppressing how you feel?  The downstream effects are profound if you can start practicing letting things be more consistently.  

To letting it be,

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There are a lot of things that are simple but not easy.  The instructions can be simple, for example, eat less processed foods. It’s perhaps simple and probably not easy.  Place your attention on your breath. Again, simple, and probably not so easy.  Many of the best pieces of wisdom are simple; which is different from being easy.  

We bring this up because sometimes we get easily discouraged when we confuse simple for easy.  When you set off on a simple path but find you can’t do it, you might think some self- deprecating thoughts.  You might get discouraged.  You might become embarrassed to ask for help.  

All of these things get in the way of heading down a productive path.  It is helpful to remind yourself at these times that the endeavor might be simple, but is not easy.  Simple is not a synonym for easy.  Climbing a mountain is simple; it’s the same thing over and over, one foot in front of the next, but it is never easy.  In fact, it can be quite rewarding because it is not easy.  Some of the most satisfying experiences we have are succeeding at the simple tasks of life.  A lot of that is because they are not easy!

To simplicity, even when it’s not easy

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Today we want to share a passage from Sakyong Mipham’s book "Turning the Mind Into an Ally."  While he is coming at the challenge of working with a rigid, uncooperative mind from the Buddhist perspective, so much of what he offers here is an excellent parallel to the work that we do through conversations and workshops.  

"There is an old saying that bringing Buddhism [or a new idea] to a new culture [or an old mindset] is like bringing a flower and a rock together.  The flower represents the potential for compassion and wisdom, clarity and joy to blossom in our life.  The rock represents the solidity of a bewildered mind.  If we want the flower to take root and grow, we have to work to create the right conditions….the problem for most of us is that we’re trying to grow a flower on a rock.  The garden hasn’t been tilled properly."

We all want happiness, well-being and peace, but few of us realize that we are not creating the proper condition to bring those seeds to fruition.  Most of us are wise enough to know what the right seeds are.  We are smart enough to know that planting money seeds won’t bring us happiness.  That planting "be famous" seeds won’t bring us satisfaction.  Having the right seeds is only the first step.  

We risk missing the technology that makes the result possible by focusing only on the "flower."  Think of the seeds as your intention.  It is critical to pay attention to not only your intention, but the ecosystem your intention lives in.

Take a moment to consider if you are creating the right conditions for your intention to be realized and to blossom?  

That’s a very challenging question to answer for yourself.  We tend to be poor judges of ourselves and often get it wrong.  We are like fish who cannot see the water we swim in.  

In order to answer the question, you need awareness.  Awareness that a condition exists.  Awareness that a condition is not supportive to realizing your intention.  You need the awareness of what conducive conditions would be.

Awareness is our field.  We traffic in it and working with us will help you cultivate it and increase it where it matters most to you.  This alone will soften the surface of your mind.  There are also more active steps you can take to break up the solidity of your mind; we can help.  Book a 20-minute call with us to find out more.

To the right conditions!

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