One of the things we often hear from our clients when they are frustrated about changing an unworkable pattern is that they struggle to apply what they have learned and realized in their session with us out in the “real world.” Often, the problem is the cognitive understanding that something isn’t good for you is very different from the in-the-moment experience. Our minds think, "oh, ok, I understand why I did that and now I know it doesn’t work, I won’t ever do that again." But when we are met with the same stimulus out in “the real world,” the old pattern often dominates. So, what is happening?
Well, in essence, we’ve created a habit and every time we’re met with a certain stimulus, we react the same, despite knowing better. With time and proper attention, habits can be changed. They were created by you and therefore new ones can be made by you as well. It sounds simple and it usually takes time and courage to change unworkable and undesirable habits. Many of the more significant ones were formed during times of heightened emotions, trauma and/or fear.
What is often most helpful when trying to change a long held habit is modifying your expectation. This way you are able to put in the time and effort without feeling discouraged every time you slip. You don’t need to never react in that habitual way again; that is too high of an expectation. You are likely going to find yourself having reacted that way or being midway through that reaction before you realize, ah, here it is again. Noticing is an essential step.
Changing a habit requires slowing down, increased awareness, attention, courage, and time. And if you create the proper expectations around that, you can do that work in a more satisfying and effective way.
To noticing your habits
