Listening to a podcast the other day, we heard something interesting that went a little bit like this: We judge others based on their actions not their intention, and we judge ourselves based on our intentions not our actions.
It captures something interesting and ultimately true. We assume that others' inner and outer worlds are basically the same. However, we know our actions are sometimes in complete opposition to how we really feel and who we are. The disclaimer here before continuing is that even if someone means well, it does not excuse them for treating us poorly. However, there is a lot of grey area between someone treating us so poorly that we need to end the relationship and a perfect relationship.
When we are trying to prevent ourselves from over-reacting to something that someone has said or done, what do we usually do? Frequently we try and think of WHY they might have done that or said that. The guy who cut us off in traffic is racing to the hospital. The girl who frowned at you at the grocery store is actually painfully shy.
But, it takes work to come up with those compassion-inspiring interpretations. Our lightning-fast reaction is to interpret their unpleasant (to us) actions as indicative of what kind of person they are. But we do the opposite with ourselves, we have lots of explanations for why our actions are not great barometers of what we truly feel or who we are. Not responding to someone's text isn’t because you don’t care about them, but rather because you're anxious not to say the wrong thing…and of course they should know that!
Paying attention to this disparity can bring us a lot more peace and understanding for both others and ourselves. There’s a reason the phrase, “give them the benefit of the doubt” is popular. We tend not to give strangers, friends, family the benefit of compassion when we really don’t know their inner world. As always, pausing and taking time before reacting (both internally and externally) usually bears soul-nourishing fruit.
To benefiting from more doubt
