In our line of work, we hear the phrase “hurt feelings” ALL THE TIME. Have you ever stopped to consider what this really means? How does one “hurt” a “feeling”??
When you think of it this way, you start to really consider what isn’t being said when this phrase is used. The feeling! The feeling is missing. And, that is not a coincidence.
We sometimes wonder when in human history did expressing our feelings become like a game of Password where you can’t say the word angry or sad, and you need the other person to guess it! Really what someone is saying when they say “I’m hurt” is “I’m experiencing feelings I don’t want” (typically anger and sadness).
We get a lot of opportunities to hear people share intimately about the things that they live with and the hardest thing for people to “admit” is that they are sad or angry. There is so much hedging around these words. “Well, I wasn’t angry, I was frustrated.” “No, I’m not sad I’m disappointed.” (We have a lot more to say on this and will share more!)
Are you hiding your true feelings behind the phrase “you hurt my feelings” or “I was hurt that you said that”? Next time you have the impulse to say this or find yourself thinking it, ask yourself, “what am I feeling?” Feelings cannot be hurt. There are no bad feelings or good feelings. We have two options when it comes to our feelings - resist them or feel them. Your experience of life will be dramatically different depending on which you choose.
Resistance to simply being sad when we are sad and angry when we are angry is causing all kinds of downstream misery (you name your misery, we’ll show you a resisted feeling). If this letter piqued your interest, book a call with us. The work we do can profoundly change your relationship to feeling, which is necessary for joy, wonder, gratitude, intuition, clarity, vitality and the fullest experience of life
To feelings!
