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March 16, 2021

Have you ever argued that someone else caused your upset?  For example, they said something or they did something that CAUSED you to be upset.  You might have said something like "You made me so angry!"

We’re thinking there are a lot of hands raised right now.  This is how we have all been raised to think that upsets work.  This is not how it works.

Think about it this way: if you planted a row of carrots in your garden, would you be amazed that carrot tops sprouted out of the ground?  Would it be a mystery to you that they popped up right in the same spot you put the seeds?  Of course not!  

If you have upsets, you have been planting seeds.   When someone comes along and pours some water on them don’t be surprised when they start to grow.  

What do these "upset" seeds look like??  They could be millions of things.  For example, when we hold back necessary communications, when we don’t live true to ourselves, maintain resentments, or deny our true feelings, we are planting upset seeds.  All that these future upsets need is a little poke (sometimes just an imagined poke) from the external world and WHAM!  You know how it goes...

For many, this can be an inconvenient truth.  It is "easy" to blame other people for our experience.  However, it has our experience be dependent on others' behavior, which leads to a very unpredictable and uncomfortable life.

Hopefully, for you, it is not an inconvenient truth.  Hopefully, it is a helpful reminder to notice the seeds you have been planting.  If you stop planting seeds, you won’t need to worry about anything sprouting, no matter how much water and sunlight it gets.

To enthusiasm gardening, not upset gardening!
The Workability Team

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Since 1978 Workability has been helping individuals and organizations integrate who they are with what they do. Our greatest performances, relationships, and contributions are dependent on our authentic expression of who we are.

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