I just googled confidence. Yikes. No wonder so many people are still in search of it.
Here are the kind of results you'll find...
- Tips to build your confidence
- 10 steps to living a confident life
- How to gain confidence
- And on and on it goes…
Saying things like “I want to build confidence” or “I need to gain more confidence” speaks to the fact that you have doubts. Trying to build confidence is like laying bricks for your new home on top of a sinkhole. The bottom is going to come out, sooner rather than later...and, in fact, putting heavy bricks over weakened ground is going to accelerate the process.
How many times have you heard, “Just be confident!” Why this is so frustrating to hear, and incredibly unhelpful, is that confidence is not an actual thing. Most people speak about confidence like it’s something we have, or worse yet, put on, but in fact, confidence is a lack-of-a-thing. Confidence is the lack of fear. We are confident when we are not afraid.
If you try to put on confidence, I’ll bet heavily that you are pretending or affecting something.
- If I walk this way I’ll be confident
- If I dress this way...
- If I talk this way...
- If I live this way...
Just like laying bricks over that sinkhole, putting on confidence does not address the underlying issue. And what is the underlying issue? You have doubts. You have anxieties about who you are, your abilities, and your endeavors. If I can be so bold, you have fears. That is why you are not confident all the time. Take a look for yourself in the areas of your life where you are confident. Isn’t it because you know exactly who you are, your abilities, and your purpose in those areas? For me, it’s cooking. What is it for you?
If you’re looking to increase confidence, you need to decrease fear. For those of you hungry for a “how to,” I’m going to give you a master tip here. Create a definition of yourself. Define your essence, own it, and live from it. When you are stressed, experiencing anxiety and doubts, refer back to your definition of yourself. This is what confidence comes from - knowing yourself and living true to that.
We spend a lot of time on creating a definition of yourself in The Hidden Gift of Self-Doubt. After taking this course you will walk away with a definition of yourself that will inspire you to open your heart and express yourself genuinely. And, you can say a long overdue goodbye to needing to think about, work on, or build confidence.
