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November 7, 2023

Do you ever lie to avoid another’s disappointment?

Here’s an example: Instead of saying I don’t want to go to the graduation, you say, "Oh sorry, I have other plans," when in fact you have no plans, you just really don’t want to go.  

One of the reasons we might do this is because we are frightened of disappointing or upsetting the other person.  We are frightened that the other person can’t handle the truth and we’ll damage the relationship.  

Now, in some cases, this is true.  Opting for politeness is quite savvy at times.  But, if we err in one direction it tends to be to think that the relationship can’t handle the truth.  

As a result of this, we have fewer close and intimate relationships.  The people we love most in the world are usually the ones we feel free to say "you know what, I just don’t want to go..."  

There certainly is no one-size-fits-all recipe for determining what is right to say to whom and when, but it is an interesting idea to ponder.  Are there some relationships that might be worth the risk to tell the whole truth?  Consider what you might gain if you give someone a greater understanding of who you are, rather than just a conventional, polite response.  Are you missing out on a best friend by thinking they wouldn’t understand you? 

To knowing when to take a risk

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Since 1978 Workability has been helping individuals and organizations integrate who they are with what they do. Our greatest performances, relationships, and contributions are dependent on our authentic expression of who we are.

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